messy, messy, messy—day two

This week was hard. It felt like it lasted forever, and was filled with midterms and tests that seemed to cover material that wasn’t even taught. One that I had craved amidst workouts, practices, and homework. The small moments of peace brought by sunrises and sunsets seemed to fade all too quickly, and the beauty of the world faded and was replaced with the constant need for critical thinking. This said, I wanted to bring a calming evening into my life.

Starting with a fish fry (so I didn’t have to cook) and ending with the chores that weren’t completed during the week, I am choosing to relax. I’m choosing to paint with acrylic paints in colors I’ve never heard off, on large canvases that usually make me hide for cover. By the end, my hands are covered in yellow and blue paints–a sign of a job well done. 

The sound of my Christian playlists sounds, and I sink into my task. When I sit back and evaluate what I have made, I realize that this picture is for me. It’s my way to decompress and create something beautiful. This picture doesn’t need to be pretty because it represents so much in my own life. This is the end of the influence of others, and the start of my body taking over. 

starting over–day one

I hated change for fourteen years. Every bone in my small body opposed things I could not control and worried over anything that could potentially happen. Those years were filled with pain, anxiety, and lessons that have all brought me closer to where I am today.

In this fifteenth year, I am welcoming change. I am encouraging surprises to take place in different aspects of my life and laughing in the face of fear. I am no longer bound by what paralyzed me mere months ago.

With the start of a new month, I reevaluate what is going on in my life. I think about changes I can make, as well as things I can continue to do and build upon.

While this seems stressful and slightly overwhelming, I have never felt more peaceful and sure of what I want. The welcoming of change has filtrated into my life and made me a more positive person and thinker. I am so incredibly proud of who I am becoming, and how I am touching the lives of those around me.